hush hushness

THE TIDE THAT LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK

2007-08-10T17:19:00.000+08:00

"Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: Many people die with their music still IN them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live...Before they know it...time runs out."

this is the final post. it's been a wonderful 3 maybe 4 months here. blogging about nonsensical stuffs. but.

due to some unforeseen circumstances, i shall leave this blog as it is. closed for posting but still open to tags. i find no reason to blog anymore.

let this be a reminder to all of you,
always cherish each and every moment before it's too late. when it's gone, there's no turning back. i should know because i do remember. 280707. i shall never forget.

the day it all ended. the day i lost her. the day my shining star fades to black.

thanks for all who cared :)

the search for something more

2007-07-24T17:07:00.000+08:00

John Steinbeck wrote in his book, Of Mice and Men,

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then, the moment was gone,"

I was on a hiatus for about a week or so. i think. heh. actually, this post right here is not just to satisfy some people who has been harassing me for the past few days because i didn't update this blog of mine. in my honest opinion, this post here is dedicated to a special few.

on a less than happy note,
here's something for someone out there who bothers to read.

a reply for a conversation that never took place. a reply worth replying. a reply left unreplied.

Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

oh well. glad that's over. sometimes, you try so hard to help out in the best way possible. but then again. who really acknowledge your attempts? who knew how hard it was for you to keep things in mint condition?

you want to give your full support yet you have no idea what you're supporting.
you want to keep things as they are yet everyone else is going for a change.
you want to know what's happening yet nobody bothers to tell you.
you want to remain in touch yet somebody else wants to remain a stranger.

the contradictions of life. the needs and the wants. at the end of the day, it's the satisfaction of knowing that you've tried always brings you back to the beginning. to start the next day as the day before or even better.

the class is moving on better i suppose? either that or i've completely lost interest in wondering whether they're as cliquey as before. but whatever lah. now is the time to really put my head together and not observe the changes around me. i totally love the pe lessons on monday. volleyball rocks my invisible socks even though i suck at it. i look like a drunkard spiking the ball but who cares? it's just a pe lesson. as long as it doesn't involve running, i'm one happy mug pie :)

some of them are turning over a new leaf and it's obvious that they are struggling. but kudos to them for wanting a change. it takes courage to change and it takes courage to realise and accept what went wrong. so this here goes out to a particular person who's change have inspired me to blog. haha. well not really, but here's to you ozy :)

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours." - Ayn Rand

ooh i'm not supposed to say this, but really. it's 2 more hours. thankfully. my stomach didn't growl today. what an accomplishment! :)) one down. 15 more to go :))

that's one of the dish in Turkey. i gotta say i love that. if only i can go back man. i would have so enjoyed myself now. what with all the food, the people, the weather :) maybe one fine day, i will and i can :)) till then, there's still room for hopes :))

on a happier note,

my phone revived! it died on me a few weeks ago. okay, maybe a month there. it drowned. heh. more like it short circuited when i pour water on it. accidentally wokay. so yes i'm really happy now. elated. overjoyed. ecstatic. you name it i've got it :) so now i don't have to use the siemens phone which kept dying on me. sheesh.

the written report is on the brink of completion. i think. so, to sitt, su yee, keyan and wei di. i love you all many many :)) and let's do this again next week for the second draft!! time to seriously chiong :))

anywho, i want to thank those who have helped me out during the past few days when i was sick and still am sick. yes. my nose leaked (uh oh) the entire day and i ran out of tissues. ooh. yeah i know, i'm killing the trees here ozy, and i made my dear dear dear adilla smuggle some toilet paper from well, the toilet. DUHHH!! :) LOL

adilla, kau lah kawan aku dunia akhirat..

haha!

i look like i've been in an accident. what with the scars on the knees, the blue black mark on the thigh, the leaking nose and just about everything else. heh. this is what you get after having one of your friends sing,

"So I walked under a bus. I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good. I want to do it again"

we live like we are never going to die
we die like we have never lived

it's amazing how some people can find solace and peace by just being trapped in themselves. doing what they love and loving what they do. they get lost in a world where everything is pure and perfect. where there's not shade of black, white or grey. just colours. it's amazing how the same people can affect others with their life. their words. their smiles. and it's utterly amazing for those who were affected to find solace and peace by just being trapped in their ownselves.

"And Hansel said to Gretel: Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be.
The person you are."

calm before the storm

2007-07-05T19:05:00.001+08:00

Stephen King wrote,

"Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not, time takes it all away, time bares it away. And in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."

it's been sometime since i last updated. god knows when was the last time i bothered to visit this page again.

for the time being, let the pictures do the talking for the day after syerry's birthday :)

kak ira and her cupcakes. both of them :))

waahhh. he's super adorable lah <3 :))

syerry's birthday cake

and her more than a dozen cupcakes spelled out in her name :)

hmm

actually, there's a reason why i chose today out of all days to blog. i wanted to do it tomorrow after school. but i guess it can't wait that long. heh.

it's one thing to find out about an event that you're not supposed to know about. it's another to chance upon a situation that you know you don't want to know about.

like looking up to a person because your good friend says he/she is the best thing that ever happened to them. then realizing that he/she is just another thorn among the roses kinda changed your whole perspective about that person. so should you? or shouldn't you? i may be siding my good friend (s) here rather than the he/she (them) but i am willing to admit that my good friend (s) is more important to me than a person whom i merely wave to without making any eye contact with.

make sense? oh well.

life has proven itself time and time again that it is very much nonsensical to a large extent.

tuesday's timetable is a blunder. 3 hours straight of lessons without any breaks. ouh. and my stomach joyously (i'm trying hard to substitute the word HAPPY) had a time of its life growling like a starving and psychotic bear on the loose in some dense forest nearby.

PE on wednesday was O-to-the-KAY. wahh. our class running speed was fan-bloody-tastic. haha.

"my walking speed is faster lah, can" - weimun

haha. but it's good lah. i enjoyed it. after one day i'm feeling worst. like a used rubber band that has been stretched in places where it hasnt' been stretched before. (okay, get your mind out of the gutters). it's a good stretch. the 20 odd pushups has done me wonders. my shoulders feel alive. haha.

i won't talk much about the results since i've only gotten one paper back. hmm. maybe next week. or until i do feel like blogging again. whenever that will be.

961 bus ride early in the morning is an additional sleeping time. i love it. we fell asleep today. all the four of us and it took us a good 3 seconds to realise that we COULD have missed the stop. but hey, since i knocked my head on the window, i woke up first and managed to press the button and woke the other three piggies up before the bus take them off to god knows where. LOL.

the forest route made me perspire even worst compared to running 2.4km. sheesh. haha. but suffice for me to say, i owe it all to the route to make me lose weight. whooo! :) haha.

i might regret what i'm going to say in the next few moments. i might want to take it all back. but for once in my life, i guess i oughta take some risks. so here goes:

to a special friend, a chocolatier, a genius; Wee Lee Wong-Kah,

don't hate the chocolatier, hate the factory. don't hate the customers, hate the price. if you really are interested in Char Lee, go ahead. no one's stopping you. but if you are together, well great for you. but don't start thinking that anyone in particular is holding on to your chocolate bars. they're melted and sticky. think twice before telling your oompa loompas tales that are woven from your chocolate rivers because you and i very well know the truth to that. maybe i don't know anything at all. fact of the matter is, i've moved on to mars bars and nestle chocolates. your candy bars are outdated. heh. whatever lah.

i needed to vent my frustrations and i'm glad i did that. oh well. what's done can't be undone :))
and just this one time, maybe guilt can't kill me :))

on a happier note,

i feel like i need to redeem myself. i can foresee that my results are going to be a reflection of who i am. haha. whatever that means kathmandu. i'm going to try to spend the weekend wisely by doing maths, chem, econs and bio :)) heh. maybe there's still time? only god knows :))

"Does this darkness have a name?
This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us?
Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it?
What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return,
but knowing that some would be lost along the way.
When did we lose our way?
Consumed by the shadows.
Swallowed whole by the darkness.
Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

the pros and cons of breathing

2007-06-28T17:01:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there…
because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't.
But then one day you feel something else - something that feels wrong,
only because it's so unfamiliar.
And in that moment you realize…
you're happy."

and hey, my mid year is OVER :) but here comes the other obstacles; PE, PW and RESULTS. wahh. sometimes, i do wonder when my life is calm and serene. without obstacles whatsoever. oh well. till then, guess i gotta put on my game face and grit my teeth till the end.

10 things that will never happen...but i still have to live with :)

1) PE is a subject that does not involve running

2) NAPHA test is non-existent

3) my stomach will stop growling during lectures and tutorials

4) you can lose weight without exercising. heh.

5) A levels will be surprisingly easy

6) University admission will increase by 2009

7) JC's will not kick and/or retain its students

8) World Peace

9) clean and non-corrupted governments

10) no more life threatening diseases; bird flu, AIDS, cancer

sometimes, making a wish isn't that easy :)

"Happiness comes in many forms -
in the company of good friends,
in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true,
or in the promise of hope renewed.
It's okay to let yourself be happy
because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be"

reinventing the wheel to run myself over

2007-06-26T09:32:00.000+08:00

Henry James once wrote,

"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

and so

after one week of mid year exams, i guess the last paper will be the deciding factor. BIOLOGY. will it turn out as unexpected as the last two class tests that i had? will i get the same satisfactory results as i did for the last two tests? nawh.

"never bet on what has happened. life has its way of twisting reality"

there has been more than one case in which i really just want to say

"see that cliff over there? go do the whole world a favour and just jump off it"

but then, it'll be too cruel. won't it? oh well.

"the problem lies not in one person, but the weight of the entire world"

i am tired and afraid. of the results partly. and well. PE. shucks.

Robert Lewis Stephenson once wrote,

"You cannot run away from weakness; you must fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

between order and randomness

2007-06-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

"Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or the moments in our lives make us?"

was going through my friends list in friendster and was happily handing out comments to all my primary school friends when suddenly i remembered to add one of my cousins on msn.

and so, was going page by page searching for him. calmly though. without panicking as i always do. went through each page looking through the names and trying to recognise his. when all of a sudden, i reached the last page. and poofed. back to page one.

it was then that i realised...

I..

had..

simply..

forgotten..

my..

cousin's..

name....

nyahaha! it didn't occur to me that i had passed his name twice on the list. tsk tsk. i stand by my judgement that i am very much dumb as a blonde. and ong keyan, i did not dye my hair, mind you.

so there's malay paper tomorrow followed by the much anticipated biology paper on wednesday.

honestly, i have to say, i have no regrets regarding the maths paper that i sat for. i think i just committed a homicide on myself. okay, in basic english, that means i committed suicide the moment i saw the first question on the paper. man. if my eyes could pop out at that instance, it would have flew right through the hall.

so, kak ira came yesterday with her more than a dozen cupcakes. i really didn't know how many she brought yesterday. could be one? no wait. more than that. to simplify, it was between one and infinity. whoah. LOL.

i have to eat before the malay paper tomorrow. i can't jeapordise my chance of passing the only paper for mid year by having my stomach growling like a bear in a jungle. man. it happened during econs paper and i am not going to be repeating the same mistake twice. period.

hmm. and however i did for the papers, i guess once in a while, you just need to learn to stand up after being pushed down.

failing is one step towards maturity.

ps atiqah, i just wanna say, thanks a lot. maybe if i had taken the other route, i would have changed into something else that might scare the bravest of all men. and maybe through this particular route, i can finally find what i've been looking for :)

"Ever wonder how long it takes to change your life?
What measure of time is enough to be life-altering?
Is it four years, like high school?
One year?
An eight-week walking tour?
Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day?
We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead…
but when you're young, one hour can change
everything."

Lies for the Liars

2007-06-22T14:07:00.000+08:00

i know i've been gone for almost a week. and a hell lot of things had happened during that 7 days.

things that i most likely won't talk about.

things that i most probably won't blog about.

but before i start getting all emotional, let's start today's post with something personal but on a very happy note :)

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY NURUL SYARRYZAN!! :)

a year older, a year wiser and hopefully, a year less manja? haha. honestly, i don't know what to say. i'm not the kind of person who can happily express myself face to face with a person. i guess words are all i've got :)

so i just want to say, i love being your sister and i love you a lot no matter how many times you bullied me and make me feel like i want to pull your hair out :X but nonetheless, i love you a lot :) and that's all you need to know :))

and if you're gonna tag me and ask why i put up these two pictures instead of the million and trillion other pictures that you have in this computer, well the answer to that is simple.

this is who you were before the camera. before you wanted to change and grow. to be who you are today.

this is who you were before you got the coolpix. before you started being a typical girl who loves taking photographs of herself.

and these two pictures are the only ones that showed how innocent you are. and how less evil and fierce compared to now :) and maybe because, you're not faking the smiles like nowadays. like how you tend to smile with your lips sealed. oh well.

still, i love you :) as much as i loved you yesterday, the day before yesterday, 5 years ago and exactly 15 years ago as well :))

hmm. on a more serious note,

i feel stupid. after today's maths paper. i really do feel stupid. dumb. idiotic. retarded and all those other words that mean the same thing as all of the above. it's the first paper that i was stumped. after 10 years of education, i can finally say, this maths paper really caught me off guard.

i think i screwed up my future. i made a mistake. my biggest mistake so far? going to a jc. i should have gone to ite instead. take the slower route? maybe. no second thoughts eh they say. but after today, i just can't help but to ponder my options and decision again. and again. and again.

do i have enough time to redeem myself? to correct what went wrong? do I? or will i end it right here? do i get kicked out before the year ends or get a spot secured for the 100 retainees? if only they gave us more time. if only. i can't and i won't blame anyone else regarding this matter. i put it upon myself.

i dug my own grave and now all i have to do is lie inside.
simple as that.

maybe just so maybe, whatever result i get will finally let me settle down. make me realise what i'm doing or even just change me into a better person. who knows.

there are things that i don't say to anyone. stories that i can't tell. agonies that i have to bear. too scared to find out the consequences of my actions. i shouldn't have gone there. i shouldn't have met who it is that i met. and yet, it gets worst. over time. in a period of more than half a year, it got worst.

the worst part in trying to get over anything is that, at the end of the day, no matter what you say to yourself, you are basically lying. you're not strong enough. you're not ready enough.

we are all lonely people at heart. it may take me a decade to get over it. but i do pray that i will achieve that. who knew it was this painful to move on?

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.
Some are running scared.
Some are coming home.
Some tell lies to make it through the day.
Others are just not facing the truth.
Some are evil men, at war with good.
And some are good, struggling with evil.
Six billion people in the world, six billion souls.
And sometimes…all you need is one.

Tennessee Williams once said,

" When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."

better than me

2007-06-14T17:34:00.000+08:00

Do you know what it feels like

loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

i'm still happy. i'm not going to live in denial and pretend that everything's sucky because at this point of time, it really isn't :)

i wanted to upload the holiday pictures but my super smart sister (no sarcasm intended, REALLY!) uploaded the pictures into the other computer. and being one hell of a lazy bum, i object to go to the other room just to get those pictures.

in the meantime,

here are the pictures during my cousin's engagement last saturday

norlia abdul latiff

090607

this is us cousins.
(back L-R) me, syerry, abang yan, kak lia
(front L-R) kak nadia, kak ira

:)

us again with the addition of oteh and nadhir
:))

farhan, auntie ani, kak lia and uncle kamal
yeah. one big happy family. smile now farhan. smile.
like this :D LOL

abang yan and kak lia.
the best duo of all cousins. they are so close. more like siblings.
all of us are like that :))

kak lia and farhan

she who is getting engaged and soon to be married next year :))

he who fell asleep during his cousin's engagement. nyahaha!

the soon to be cousin in law :) (in black)

the cake/brownie that was baked especially for the occasion by my mama :))
and decorated happily by yours truly :))

anywho, enough of that lovey dovey event,
let's get back to the nitty gritty things :))

i so love amy winehouse. man. her voice is great. she's really pretty and she's super duper talented. need i say more?

stefy's getting some airplays now. is it about time? hmm. hope so. the funny thing about bands going mainstream is that more fans will creep up saying that they love the band and so on and so forth when all they do know is a mere "hit" single from the band. sheesh.

so there's stefy :)) fronted by none other than the multi talented not to mention beautiful actress/singer/songwriter stefanie rae :))

i thought i saw an old friend of mine today. was super excited. thought he looked great after 5 years or so. turns out, it wasn't abdul khair abdul jalil. heh. good thing though. cuz the guy that i saw was way better than him XD

And they're gonna fall in love tonight
Underneath the Orange County sky
They sleep on the beach until they see the morning come
Life was over before it begun

happiness is a two letter word

2007-06-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

wheeee

just got back from the very very very long weekend trip. for your info, it took us 4 days and three nights mind you :))

and as you can see, i am one hell of a happy mugpie. i think they added drugs into those dunkin donuts man. i never seem to be this happy usually :)))

but

whatever nyahaha

i realised the importance of minding my own business. haha. and not worrying about what others have to say or do anymore. yes yes. and i give thanks to none other than the very evil pontianak dude that scared the life out of me in genting.

LOL

will update more when i can :)))

sad songs for dirty lovers

2007-06-08T17:36:00.000+08:00

heh.

i've gotten myself a complete realisation that should have taken me a few months back actually.

you try to close your eyes to what's really happening. you try to shut it all out. tried your very best and fought till the very end.

not you, but at least i tried.

and with just ONE look. ONE word. ONE picture. everything else changes.

oh well. why bother?

at the end of the day, what AM i looking for anyway?

i don't wish to pin point the lucky star that i'm referring to right now. whatever. if you think it's you, think again. let's leave it to that.

life's too short to harbour hate for an imbecile who wishes to live in denial. who wishes to live behind a closed door and hoping for light from a mere broken window. a friend, a partner, a buddy. a loser by any other name.

i'm in no mood frankly, to worry about anything else except me. i've got the much awaited mid year exams to worry about and following that, the weekly pe lessons.

sheesh. what can i say, i'm one hell of a busy woman XD

hmm. i wonder when ma and pa will finally come to their final decision regarding whatever it is that they are deciding.

on a happier note,

i can't wait for tomorrow. yeah. nyahaha. i'm glad you're getting engaged. hey cousin, it's about time :) i'm not rushing you or whatever, but think about it. after you've settled down, i'm going to be at least 2 bucks richer every hari raya :)) nyahaha.

if i'm lucky, come next year, there'll be 3 weddings to look forward to :) and boy, do i look forward to each and every one of them. it's a family thing. we need these kind of events to bring us back together :))

and whatever happens this sunday, come what may. i'm going to welcome it with arms wide open and i'll make sure that i'll plaster myself with a super duper huge smile :D

i'm actually quite excited about this weekend. even if one of the two events get cancelled. hmm.

am i looking forward to next week? hell no. adilla or ILA as she simply puts it, won't be attending bio lesson so yes. but whatever. come what may as they say :) i still got farhana, aminah and felicia :))

Kiss Kiss

Bang Bang

Yeah my baby's pretty as a car crash
Sexy as a stinger of a hornet in your arm
just another modern swinger
screaming "catch me if you can"
with a cigarette in hand and it's love
its heavy and it hurts and its love

only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone - pablo picasso

p.s one thing never change though, will never change, ever

i love pete. i love pete. i love pete

:))

what is and what should never be

2007-06-06T13:48:00.000+08:00

it is so absurd that we are all blind people at heart.

we fail to see what's right in front us.
we fail to notice the minute differences between glass and diamond.
we fail to know that what we have shall never be ours forever.

went blog hopping just now. i know, it means i have no life, but seriously, whatever.

it's a pity that some people fail to realise all of the above. they complain about never being able to afford materialistic things. they complain about not being able to go where their hearts desire. on top of that, they complain and whine about not being with those whom they truly loved.

it's sad when the people you care about wish for more grander things and yet all you can do is sit there and wonder how the hell you're going to get all of those things.

all the money in the world can't and will never satisfy your heart's desire. not half of it, not to mention just a quarter of it. and so, why bother?

why is it that we just fail to notice the great things that are in front of us? why?

we want better things. we always do. and we neglect and ignore the things that leave us content. that made us who we are today. chasing after a dream will always mean that you're bound to lose something during the journey.

"wishing for a normal life". how normal can you get? do you ever hear a handicapped person complaining about their lives? have you? heh. i guess it's true. when you fall, it's the time you learn how to stand on your own two feet.

i'm not a pot calling a kettle black. i know what it feels like to lose something that you've always taken for granted. trust me on that. and so, it is truly pitiful to see others doing the same thing.

normality is overrated.

why wish for better and greater things when the best wish is to wish for yourself to love what is already given. think about it.

go figure :)

oh yeah. the post is all in white because i find no reason to have it coloured. for once. just this once, i'm not vandalising anything :)

Through this maze of ugliness and greed

2007-06-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

there are times when i really do wish that'll happen. out of a thousand, most probably i've had wished for that 800 times already by far. the remaining 100 times were spent hoping that correction liquid works in real life and the other 100 times were spent hopelessly pondering that the reset button on the graphic calculator can happily clear my own memory instead of itself. heh.

i don't know what i'm doing right now. right here. i did the maths chapter revision worksheet and am happily going through each question that i left blank before because i feel the need to complete something. to accomplish what i thought was nearly and almost always impossible.

i am perpetually bombarded with the need to accomplish something. at the end of another torturous day, i can finally say, at least, i accomplished something. as always, more than once even, something is almost always better than nothing.

seeing how everyone else in papa's side is venturing forth towards university education, some have even graduated and are now blissfully pursuing their much loved careers, i only have one very important question to ask. a question that defies whether or not i'll be alive or dead tomorrow or in the next 5 minutes or so,

what the hell am i doing here??!!

gawdd. maclaurin's bugging me. squeezing just about every drop of brain juice left in me. i have no idea what i'm doing for maclaurin's. the fact that i can't even get one thing straight is nevertheless worrying me. thus adding the much needed hydrochloric acid into the stomach. at this rate, i'll have a hole the size of a golf ball in my stomach soon.

haiz. let's smile shall we not? the gathering's coming up soon. hmm. am i excited?

frankly my dear, i don't give a damn.

no wait. i am nervous though. who wouldn't? after 5 years. everyone's bound to change. physically. emotionally. mentally.

I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same

there's a reason why i stayed away from meat recently. red meat to be exact. yeah. you can say it's due to that picture up there. perikemanusiaan? maybe, maybe not. who knows? i do things that i myself am unaware of.

i'm 17. i'm supposed to be filled with hopes and dreams. last time i checked that out, my hopes died on me and my nights are spent sleeping dreamlessly. make sense, no? well. who said life was sensical. if it was. none of us would need to sit for any exams or test as a matter of fact.

sheesh. who am i to ramble about all these? i'm just a minute body cell in this massive universe. who knows. maybe somewhere out there, someone bigger will support what i have to say and hear it all without judging nor saying a word. life is nonsensical. not everything has to make sense. not even this :)

Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I, I'll know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different,
everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Something that's different (something that's different)

the last song i'm wasting on you

2007-05-29T19:02:00.000+08:00

let's start some sentences with this;
I was so tired that I...

I was so tired that I came to school 45 minutes earlier for Bio lesson today.

I was so tired that I failed to realise that I actually passed by Bio test.

I was so tired that I fell out of the 911 bus today.

LOL.

that's how tired i was today. mann.

on a less than miserable/tiring note,

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY MOHD IMRAN!

mwahaha. yeah lah you jambu bamboo. you got your super advance present already and the second part of it kinda backfired today. too bad. haha. some other time then. as always. there's still some other time :)

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY KAK GIGIE!

mwahaha. i still remember nia. all the best for your third year in uni :)

i'd rather be 45 minutes early than 50 minutes late.

heh. i think i'm the only one who would do such a thing.

i want to do the econs filing. soon. tomorrow morning. no more procrastinating. tired man. i can happily prognosticate that by the end of the holidays, i won't be able to accomplish the things that i wrote down in my notebook. that is to say, revision, revision, revision. and did i mention revision? that is if i don't start by tomorrow.

some people are born smart. i'm not. so i have to work my butt off over time to be on the same par with the rest of my classmates. kinda like 4/6 huh.

was supposed to treat one jambu bamboo for his birthday lunch today. but he had lessons till very late and i was super tired anyway. and so, ended up treating my sister to pizza hut. see what you've missed out buddy? lol.

the breakfast with adilla at long john silver rocks lah. the bread was super thick man. it was just humongous. and man, i think i've just fallen in love with it XD

got myself two more james patterson book in lieu with alex cross' character. so i am like one happy mug pie.

went window shopping again with adilla. man. that girl arh. i will never know if she's feeling disgusted or excited. because for every nice things that we saw, her reaction will be "eeee". and i still have no idea what that means. LOL

saw many nice shoes and i have only 3 words to say; wah wah wah :))

yes yes. i fell out of the 911 bus. damn jambu gitu. haha. bottomline is, if you're tired, do not take the bus home. sleep in the interchange or what. haha.

so many things to do
so little time

this could/might/will/should be the last post for the time being. heh. could even be until i feel like posting again. hopefully i'll be on a hiatus :))

and that could be for a period of one month or more :))

ignorance (you)

bliss (me)

in other words, your ignorance is my bliss

and i am referring to more than one person here

go figure!

:))

he crawls like a worm from a bird

2007-05-24T19:06:00.000+08:00

i have got to stop myself from being too emo. it's driving me bonkers. yeapp. without PE, i am still very much paranoid over things that i shan't mention.

apparently sitt, shikin and adilla weren't the only ones i ticked off.

thinking too much isn't that good after all eh? you'll be loading up free spaces in your memory bank with things that are very much redundant.

i was supposed to go out and watch pirates of the caribbean 3 today with the fellow former 4/6ers current peejaysians. BUT. i declined the very much anticipated offer because

A) I have to save up my money for a jambu bamboo's birthday present

B) I have to clean my closet in which i strongly believe lies a skeleton or two

C) I have to finish up my maths function tutorials for fear that by next week, i'll forget just about everything that i've learnt

D) I am one hell of a lazy bum

I am so fixated on heroes right now. i know the show's been on for like donkey years already and i know i am that slow to catch up on things. but hey. it's the holidays bebeh. time to watch some good old television shows :))

ouh yeah. pictures. before i forget again

okay, that's my sister's mp4 that i broke. and i don't really know how it happened matter of factly. yeah. apparently, i am one heck of a sister aren't I? ooh. and just for the record, wei di thought that it was a spiderman motif.

go figure :)

oOh. and this here is the birthday boy who turned 365 days, in short a year old on 190507. yes yes. i love muhd nadhir hilmi many many :)) by the way, that's how he looks like ON his birthday. after taking a bath that is :))

and this is nadhir boy after his bath. he's like crazy over bathing man. water = fun.

and and and, these are the pictures of the sandal that badriyah mustaffa jailani bought for me on wednesday. haha! damn happy about it :))

budd thinks that the sandals are too cute for me. heh. i think they go well with the layout of the blog. haha.

oh yeah. and those are the cd's that i borrowed from budd in exchange for fall out boy's infinity on high and 30 seconds to mars' beautiful lie [oh yeah. thanks to masturah and imran for that cd. never gotten the chance to give credits to you both]

and so

my closet is clean. no skeleton whatsoever. my maths tutorials. i am stuck at question 8. though i will try it out again tomorrow including the bio tutorials. hmm. not excited at all. not excited absolutely.

and yes
i changed the music in my blog. thought this suits me better

he said i'm crazy, i know
all i can say is that the drugs don't work no more

:))

it's true, we're all a little insane

2007-05-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

OMFG

more like OH MY FREAKING GOLDFISH!

haha. my previous post was a tad too ~~emo~~, or so he says. but, i have taken the initiative to DELETE it. mwahahaha. so damn jambu bamboo gitu..

okay okay, my attempts to ogle at hot guys failed today. that's because i was too distracted thinking about shoes, shoes and more shoes.

there's a reason why my name is SYUHAIDAH. or pronounced as SHOE-HI-DUH for you people who can never get pass the Y in my name. sheesh.

so during the whole 2 hours spent with budd, i was more absorbed and fixated on what shoes to buy. so many shoes, so little time. so many designs, so freaking expensive. and after walking around causeway point for like 7 times, no? we, okay, i finally decided on a pair of sandals from metro. the best part is, i didn't even have to fork out the cash to purchase it.

just for today, budd's my atm machine. mwahaha! thanks buddie :)) in the famous words of a minahcin i know, "love yoo many, many". haha

will update the pictures of the sandals once my sister's thingamabob [okay, i think i'm referring to the camera] has been recharged and when the whatchamacallit [hmm. this is harder. i think it's the USB port! BINGO!] is connected to the computer :))

after we, okay, BUDD bought the sandals for me, we went to gelare to have waffles. okay, to be more precise, it was a large waffle with caramel syrup. we settled on the caramel. even though i pretty much dislike it. *shhh* LOL so it was one "large" waffle. yeapp. it was so large that it was bigger than my own face. note the sarcasm. sheesh kebabish.

so now i don't have to worry about shoes anymore because right at this moment, i officially have my OWN pair of shoes. mwhahaha.

i found out that ever since i turned 17 this year, i feel like an amphipathic molecule. having a charged, and non-charged end. diaowz. i can be super duper hyper and egoistic at the same time [shucks, i am the only female i know who can admit that she(me) has an ego the size of china]. and at the next second, i can go super moody, glummy and completely emolicious that i think i just end up bonkers.

it's called a bipolar disorder? sheesh. now i do really feel like a phospholipid bilayer. i need a therapist. and no mohd imran abdul ghani, i am not referring to you, you jambu bamboo.

i want to go balek kampong minum susu. whatever that means. no i'm serious. i do really want to balik kampung and just shoo away the people who are living in my kampong house now. i want to travel. and i envy those people who are going to travel overseas during the june holidays. toot you, you tooter :))

but on a happier note, i think one of the ruggers are hot. and no, i am not referring to those whom i did consider hot. i guess infatuations fade over time bebeh :))

the best way to stay sane in my honest opinion? ogle at hot guys and have plenty of chocolate bars to keep you company. life is sweet and diabetic at the same time.

eye candy + chocolate = happy nurul syuhaidah :))

this beats any redox equations bebeh

ignorance is bliss, or so she says

no comments, or so he says

selfishness keeps me sane, or so i say

go figure! :))

i love pete. i love pete. i love pete.
enough said :))

Invitation, all in grand farewells

2007-05-18T17:38:00.000+08:00

finally

after days and weeks and months of counting down to this very day, it has finally come :)

last day of school. did i screw it up? i doubt so. but i think it kinda suck because i wasn't talking to adilla, shikin or sitt. yeapp. the animosity was there. and guess what? this time around. it is really my freaking fault. heh.

i won't talk about why i did what i did. i just did it. that's all you need to know. maybe i was bored. just wanted to play a game. or maybe there's more than what meets the eye. haha. if it is something i learnt today, i think the best advice i got so far

"maybe all you need is some time to listen to yourself and just get away from everyone. everything"

maybe. it makes sense, no?

i see the positive things in people. and that's bad to a certain extent. but heh. just a word of caution. if i do find the flaws. and if it is something that is seriously bugging me, i will not hesitate to blow it up to proportion and just pick on that very flaw until i harbour hate for that particular person(s). heh.

so today's the last day with miss law. ahem. it was okay i suppose? she laughed a lot and i didn't stay behind for the grand farewell. i didn't want to cry. wasn't in the mood to ruin my friday. call me selfish or whatever. but i am emo today. and that irritates me a lot. derrick is treating everything as though it's a rugby match. haha. he is that strong. just today, we had this sarcasm session with miss law where she was being 100% sarcastic in just about everything.

aww. and we are so going to miss your laughters miss law. even if it's a forced laughter. okay. maybe not we as a class. but i will ;)

my dad didn't do anything extraordinary today. okay maybe he did. i find it weird that cikgu hajis can happily mixed up his name with shahril. literally mixed them up into something else. haha. into solihin if i'm not mistaken.

"muker si suhaimi ni macam muker kawan sayer kat kampung dulu. sebab tu sayer asik tersalah panggil namer dier solihin jerr..."

that's what cikgu said.

haha. at one point when cikgu called him wrongly, i wanted to actually look up and happily yell,

"cikgu! namer dier SUHAIMI!!"

haha. apparently that's how excited i am about people with that name. haha. what can i say? i am proud of my father's name. LOL

okay, as far as today goes, i practically flunked my maths. i am a certified maths flunker. woot! i'll make mdm sarojini so proud :) lol. and i subpassed my econs test! woot! i am actually quite happy about this. this is exactly what you get for not studying. so yes. i am very very motivated to do better for the mid years :)

so that's left with my gp and chem. i think the first gp test pulled me down. so yeah. most likely i flunked the overall gp grade. and i passed chemistry. alhamdulilah :))

don't talk about biology. apparently that subject is of no relation to me.

i am a certified 2nd degree flunker for biology.

heh.

oOh. we had 2 cakes today. the chocolate cake was exactly what i had for my 17th birthday. so of course i love it now wouldn't i? it was delicious. heh. as always. these 09-ers who chose the cakes are brilliant food connoisseur. bravo! :)

ergh. i don't think i'll be able to lose weight at this rate. aiyo. every month eat birthday cakes. oh well. let's end it with this kitty cat which has all of the nitty gritty things that i wanted to say :)

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew exactly what you would do
Don't say you simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

p.s there's s league tonight on tv. lionel lewis bebeh :))

Another sun-soaked season fades away.

2007-05-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

i realised something.

if you have nothing better to say, or anything nice as a matter of fact, then it's best if you just say nothing at all.

like the song goes,

"you say it best, when you say nothing at all,"

apparently some things are just better left unsaid. no?

ever since zak came up with his band name better left unsaid in sec 3 era, i kept saying that phrase over and over again. i guess it makes more sense now.

it's just 2 short years anyways. scratch that. 1 and a half bebeh. after that, hopefully, everything else will fall into place.

tomorrow's the last day of the term. i really am looking forward to it. so that i can happily wake up late every other day after tomorrow without worrying about school or pe. i need my sleep. what more can i say?

i am so in love with dashboard confessional's stolen. i think it very much describes my situation at right about...

NOW?

LOL

oh oh oh, and after what ika told me for these past weeks, i don't think i am that crazy about him anymore. evidence? well, i didn't hyperventilate today when we walked behind him. and i didn't even realise it was him even after being hit several times by sitt. there you go. apparently yours truly is either blind or has just so happily spaced out. in other words. became so blur. blur like ika. that's sotong in japanese. lol.

let's face the facts lah. maybe. just so maybe, i'm getting over this eye gula of mine? that's right. you've read it first. i think. oh boy. i hope that i am over this particular eye gula. i've already got my fantastic four bebeh. what more can i ask for?

too much eye gula will leave you with diabetes :)

some people are saying that i am weak. physically? true. emotionally?. hmm. do i really want to object to what they say? better not. hakim told me that once you go to a new school. nobody really knows you. so, why change? if you are who you are viewed from another person's perspective, it's better if you continue on like that.

even if it means you're lying to just about everyone else.

i am weak

so what?

heh. if only those other people closer to me knew what these peejaysians are saying about me right now, they would have so freakingly laugh their butts off. haha. but let's keep it to that shall we not? it's only 2 short years anyway. let's be nice.

i doubt there'll be one moment in time where i really blew my top off. muru's no longer in peejay. so less chance of that ever happening. haha. whatever lah.

and and and sitt, i will not resort to liking my dad. not my biological father. aler. you know what i mean.

let's not get overboard. it's just tomorrow anyway. just tomorrow and everything will be great. i need to get away. not only from the school, the food there, the freaking intimidating track

[though at times i do really want to go there and just run. which will happen once i hit my head on the wall and just end up with amnesia. and and and hopefully, i'll wake up and think that i'm some super athlete runner. LOL.]

the teachers, but hey hey hey, surprise surprise, i need to get away from the people there too. sorry folks. but yes. i don't really want to see someone i know during the holidays. it's called a therapy session. or my therapy session as a matter of fact.

absence make the heart grow fonder, no? so this 30 days will make me appreciate my fellow 09-ers more i presume.

ps mas: there's no more no.9 hocker bebeh :) i got over it :) never again :))

i need to change the song of my blog to something that suits my current emo-but-not-s0-emo state. haha. whatever that means. oh my. a whole paragraph in orange. how freaking cool is that? toot sia.

from yesterday

2007-05-13T09:55:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging thrice just this week. this is so unlike me. whatever.

this is going to be just a random post. i have no idea why i'm online at such an early stage in the morning. and and and, it's mother's day :)

happy mother's day mama! i know i've wished you last night. this morning even. and as far as i know, you're gonna read this too. somehow. somewhere. so yeah! happy mother's day! again :)

so yeah

my chemistry tutorials are DONE bebeh :) i'm like super duper excited about it. because this is by far the first tutorial that i've completed 100%. go me! after this though, i'm going to outdo myself and try to complete my math's tutorials. i can't stand it anymore. i kept failing maths. gah. it's really like a maths rerun with mdm sarojini. who almost but didn't gave up on me during O levels. thanks mdm saro!

i just hope that it would be the same with mdm ong. oh well. we all can't hope for the same things can we?

i'm waiting for sitt to send me the gpp and survey so that i can print them all by today. i've yet to study for econs test tomorrow. but i will. i'll redo the palladium case study if i have to.

i can't wait for the holidays. really. but hey, i can't be frantically happy during the last week without driving myself nuts can i? so i will. there's pe tomorrow. damn it lah. i seriously hate pe mannn. this is going to be paranoia again. if there's ten weeks per term. 9 weeks this term and 11 weeks next term. shikin, sitt, adilla, you people are gonna die when i get paranoid next term. it'll be 11 weeks bebeh :) babushka!

5 more days. can't wait for the holidays. 5 more tests. can't wait to get it over and done with. 5 more days to home united match against saf. can't wait for that. so long never watch lionel lewis. woot! :) absence make the heart grow fonder.

go 18!

then during holidays...

badriyah!! whee miss ya like crazy bebeh :)

haha. we shall go out one day. during the holidays promise :)

summer love

2007-05-09T20:00:00.001+08:00

i realised that the previous post was bit too angry perhaps

so whatever

let's end it with something sweet

all well ends well

I Love James Franco!

and Lionel Lewis

and and..the ultimatum

I LOVE PETE WENTZ :)

and this other guy...

JARED LETO

my drugs. my motivation. my life.
no lies.

mengejar matahari

2007-05-09T19:03:00.000+08:00

i realised that i haven't been blogging for a week

and unfortunately, it irritates someone, by the name of *cough* adilla *cough*

LOL

i wanted to blog about last thurday's practice. it was okay. no wait. scratch that, it was awesome. to a certain extent. but hey man, it's only an eye gula, what is there to be excited about eh?

monday sucks. everything about it. i think out of the 5 tests, i flunked all. yeapp. i won't talk about monday. whatever lah. i'd rather leave it as it is.

you choose to believe who you want to believe
i'm not forcing you or whatever
it's all up to your mindsets people
get over it

paranoia got the best of me. i became paranoid for almost a week now and i'm not sure when it'll end. soon perhaps. i'm praying that it'll be sooner.

i wanted to get it all off my chest. literally. and i did it today. out of all the days. i can't control it anymore. i'm tired. tired of everything. of everyone.

i wanted a specific time and moment to let it all go away. to wash away all these words that sting like poison. all these baggage that pulls me down.

i wanted to cry and i did. and i can happily say that i thank you for this. for all these paranoia that is eating me alive. this guilt of always covering up for you. enough is enough. don't you ever get it? i guess you don't. thanks again sia.

never had a petty little thing made me felt so lost, so confused. so guilty. so consumed and so hurt. but bundle it all together and there you go, a great big blow to the face. from the whole monday thing to her. to you. to me. to them. guess i deserved it. for being too naive. for caring too much about everything.

i'm tired lah. please understand. i'm tired of this. of you. of me. i don't think you're understanding this yet. so i'll make it clear. what happened to you? heh. funny that i asked. you're hurting so many people and leaving them hanging like a lost thread. like i said. i'm tired. of waiting. of wanting to know what's really going on with you. tired of reaching out and never being able to figure you out completely. tell you what. i'll stop it now.

i can't take this anymore. it's too much of a burden. and the best part is, you don't even care. you've changed. or maybe it's the change in me that made me think that you've changed. understand? no? oh well. you have a brain of your own, no? you can very well think for yourself, right?

let me make this crystal clear. i want you to either get yourself together and tell me the whole truth, or you can go on living in denial on your own. because apparently, our definition of a ~~best friend~~ are worlds apart. yours most likely goes along the whole

"stick by me when i need you, after that just forget it,"

scenario. you know why, i'm not even assuming this. this is exactly how you're making me feel. i'm going to be repetitive. thanks again.

forget it lah. let's be like before. like the previous 4 years. like classmates. i prefer that. in a way, i don't have to worry about you that much. it's like secondary one all over again. savvy ain't it? you have one less person to nag you this time around. it's great isn't it. i'm over it man. this is what you wanted but you're afraid to say it, so before we start a world war 3, just so you know, i initiated this. because apparently, i'm the bigger man. i can't say much about you though.

thanks. you've made my MI days rock! and i won't forget the littlest things that you've done for me. but i can't take that fact that you're lying about everything. so yeah. enjoy your life now. wherever it is, and whatever you're doing and with whoever you're with. i really don't care.

hate is a strong word
but i really really really
don't like you

i don't miss you

i miss the person you were

go figure

I'm in the middle of nothing
And it's where I want to be
I'm at the bottom of everything
And I finally start to leave

this is for you

Defy yourself just to look inside the wreckage of your past
To lose all you have to do is lie
The policy is set and we are never turning back
It's time for execution; time to execute

:)

enjoy

Cheaper reign of endless lies

2007-05-02T22:00:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging at night. this is wonderful. i am supposed to be asleep by now. to be more precise, by 8.30pm. oh wow. look at the time.

honestly today suck like nut

napha was okay. i screwed up all the 5 stations and i can happily say that i just can't be bothered with it any more. i took it for the fun of taking. the sake of just taking it. for the love of not going to toa payoh stadium and retaking the blasted test. toot you lah napha.

life sucks. like nut. wait wait. straw. it sucks like a straw.

i want to be positive about jc life. someone told me that jc life is too short. too short to realise that your teachers are evil. too short to realise that the food is bad. too short to realise that the pe is suicidal. too short to realise that your so-called friends are just superficial, shallow and mindless twerps who are planning and waiting for you to fall flat in your face so that at the end of the day, they can burst out laughing. friends what. hmmm. fact of the matter is, i realised half of what i just said. heh.

once bitten twice shy

berhan should know what this mean very well

my sentence structure sucks at this very moment. do you think i care to correct it? hell no.

i'm pissed. i'm angry. i'm mad. i feel like jumping off this building. but am i? nope. because i'm a coward. damn it lah.

the best part about being infatuated is feeling excited when you see the eye candy. you get all fluttered. and you can happily find no good reason for the fact that you're smiling like a clown. that's what i did. and now.

the most bestest of all part. the chocolate in the centre of ferrero rocher. the core of the earth. the emotions i get after knowing that the eye candy knew about it. or anyone close to him as a matter of fact. i hate it. i hate it when the person or his friends know. it's like 2003 rerun.

murugesh will know what i'm talking about. he played a major role in the production. and till today, i thank him for all that he's done for me in the course of 4 years. murugesh, thanks again.

i'm loading my sis broken mp4 with loud songs. from slipknot to korn to avenged sevenfold. i just can't be bothered anymore. i want to shut the entire world out. i think i'm being pms-y. whatever. if it comes on next monday, damn i'll be the luckiest girl alive.

i just know that i have to do the suggested IT lesson worksheet for GP tomorrow. whatever. this time around, i really don't care if she's giving me a blue form, a red one, pink even. you know what, make it purple for the love of pete. damnit.

assignment test on chemical bonding tomorrow morning. oh wow. am i surprised? hell no. am i excited? you must be nuts. i am just going to flunk it. i'm a flunker. what can i say?

floorball tomorrow. i don't know what to do about it. we'll start early. we'll end early. full stop. i hate it. not floorball. i hate everything.

i need to stop it from getting worst. i fell sick after napha. after laughing like a mad woman. after completing my 'inner jogging for the stomach muscle to achieve abs' quote, unquote tarzan herself, wei mun.

i need to get over this whole stupid and futile infatuations. life is good without distraction. right about now. i don't know what to say. damnit lah. toot everything. toot the world. toot the fact that i considered him as an eye candy. toot that history is repeating itself. toot me for wearing my heart on my sleeve.

oh wow. the easiest way to get over an infatuation. tested and proven by yours truly. learn to hate. when you hate, there's no feeling like it.

toot you. whoever you are.

Lose yourself in no one's life
Trapped in nowhere's empty light
Words like fists they tear you down
Crash before they hit the ground

i can't wait to fall in love with you

2007-04-30T20:24:00.000+08:00

i'm listening to a new song by justin timberlake.
yet i have no clue what the title is.

napha today was awesome for the girls but damn it, i'll be taking mine on wednesday morning.

early in the morning at 8'o clock, you can hear the postman knock.

babushka. haha. that's a primary school song i learnt in mei chin. lol.

wei di is over-rating 'yeah bebeh'. haha. and adilla's using babushka to a large extent. lol. funny sia. i think it's fun. all these lingo. haha. credits to me of course :) hahaha. it's better than going wah wah wah in class anyway :)

oh yeah
i just remembered something really important
this goes out especially to you :)

SWEE WEI DI, THIS SATURDAY, MEET AT WOODLANDS LIBRARY :)

hahaha. i have got to make it clear or else he'll end up somewhere else and we'll be doing another round of phone searching. lol. luckily, i didn't make him wave or jump around on saturday so that i can see him properly. imagine if i really did that. nice sia.. hahaha!

ouh yeah. jian lin's my official tutor now. wahh. can't believe the parents really want to meet him. i always thought that i'll bring a potential boyfriend in the next 5-10 years home to meet them. not a tutor. haha!

ouh yeah, i think that the bestie and i need an outing. hmm. just for the fun of it because i've not seen bestie for quite sometime now. i mean a really long time.

my lips are swollen. damn it lah. it reminds me of band when i always get it swollen after playing the clarinet. arghh. hmm. i have got to study for maths man.

and i realised something, i need a great friend from a top JC to teach me. lol. like what hong liang did to his chemical bonding tutorials. damn it sia. he's so good with chemistry now. arhhh. ah hah! HAKIM :) :) haha. no lah. i won't resort to such extent. if i need to do it, i'd rather do it on my own thank you :)

Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to
Cause you have turned into my worst enemy?
You carry hate that I feel
It's over now
What have you done

bioclock ticking away

2007-04-29T14:37:00.000+08:00

and so finally
after days and weeks of nonchalant group work, the blasted GPP is done baybee.

completed the econs essays though i have no idea what i was writing about. let the pen do the talking. if it makes sense, then good. if it doesn't well too bad.

completed the malay essay also. damn it. my malay is super rusty. i can't believe i used to be so good and comfortable using it. and right about now, it seems as though it's a foreign language that needs subtitles for my understanding.

heh. this is what you get after 6-7 months of not talking/using malay language at all.

i'm leaving my maths tutorials half done. when i mean half done, i mean i only completed until question 3, the other 7 questions shall be attempted when i get bored today. dortz.

neopets is getting weirder. more complex. like glycogen. damn it. the new layout confuses the toot out of me. and my pets are literally dying. haiz. am i glad those aren't real life animals. man, i should be charged for pet abuse and neglect.

and so, i flunked just about every test that i sat for lately. the only one that i passed so far was chemistry. the lecture test and the assignment test. go bebeh. mr cheong would be so proud of me right now. toot sia. and what the hell. i flunked the rest. i flunked my gp summary. woots. history is damn right repeating itself, ain't it not?

i remembered obtaining an 8/25 for summary in sec 4. the only F9-er in the band 1 english class. go me. and now i got a mere 2 out of 10. wah me. i really think i need to settle down. but come to think of it, am i not already doing that? then, what the toot is wrong with me? flunking just about every test there is. maths. wahh. i love maths. not.

and this whole bio test saga between me and hong liang. i just can't be bothered with it anymore. in my honest opinion, i think the passer boils down to either adilla or him. i'm not going to involve myself in this suspense. confirm, chop plus guarantee i failed it. so why bother eh?

so yesterday we [sitt, me, su yee and ke yan] met at the national library where i literally almost blew off. which i didn't of course. i'm letting the group go off easy this time around. just one more strike and someone's going to get hurt. real bad. hahaha.

i admit i was pissed off. who wouldn't? i won't elaborate on what, where, who, why, when and how. leave it as it is. but duh! there's always the ups. like when wei di and i frantically searched for each other in the library. haha.

"nurul, i'm facing the cafe! go look for the cafe"
"there's no cafe wei di! i can only see han's"
"nurul, i'm wearing white"
"wei di, i can't see anyone in white!"
"nurul, do you see the jurong entertainment centre?"
"wei di, i'm at bugis. national library."

haha. i love that conversation. every minute of it. but heh. i pity wei di also lah. because he blur-red himself. oh well :)

i don't know how i'm going to survive this coming week. hmmm. napha test bebeh. how can i not die? haiz. i'm waiting patiently for the holidays. i need my slumber session. i need to hibernate. i need tuition. super badly.

it's already the start of week 7. 2 more weeks and school's out for peejay. time to study, to hibernate, to catch up on stuff.

ooh ohh. i so badly wanna go to greece :)

ps. i miss AUDREY boo hoo!

but for the time being, there's always pete :)

there's a curse between us

2007-04-27T19:05:00.000+08:00

sayang, sayang sayang sayang
sayang sayang sayang?

no. i am not repeating the same word 7 times. toots. it's actually a stereotypical view on how couples relate to each other whenever they feel the need to communicate. you malay inclined people should understand this. if not, damn babushka. lol

anyway, the week past by like the wind. it was that fast. guess ika's right.

kiamat makin dekat

on a lighter note,
i've been super high. really. is it because of the 2 week's long mc? could be. either that, it's the medication. drugs baybee. or is it because of the wah wah wah-ing? haha. that too perhaps.

i think we finally settled on the ground rules and exco of floorball. yay to that because i really can't take another urgent meeting that leads to nowhere in particular. heh.

i thought i was going to die this week because i didn't see ~~cheemat~~ for two days. turns out, i actually had an overdose of him. and and and, before sitt, shikin and adilla start slapping me, i just want to say, it's just an infatuation people. go with it. quote, unquote mr dennis yeo :)

yeah yeah. i was going red in the face during today's assembly because what mr yeo said kinda applied to me in ways more than one. heh. and because sitt and shikin went wah wah wah-ing non stop. lol.

"you obsessed about him. but does he know you exist?"

hell. so true. hahha. but hey. this is what youth is all about. why waste it? let's enjoy it shall we not? emotions like these are going to fade soon anyway. so why live in denial? quote, unquote emo boy. [you should know who you are ;) ]

i guess it's true. i was never a believer of relationship anyways, in fact, i so totally agree with the points that mr yeo brought up today. sometimes, i observed that these friends of mine, they are only in a relationship for the sake of being in it. for status. for convenience. heh. i'm philophobic yet i go crazy over guys. damn babushka.

and then there's the point on attending your best friend's wedding. and i was thinking,

"damn right i will. whoever he's going to marry in the next 10 years or so anyways,"

apparently, that's not what mr yeo had in mind,

"i attended my best friend's wedding. she became my wife,"

hell no. hahaha. no offence. but naahh. haha. let's keep it to what it is :) cuz i'm already loving it :)

rugby match rocks today! MI guys are HAWWTT. like literally on fire. i was half hoping that saddad would come and support his school but he didn't. but heh. whatever. we won baybee :) go peejay ruggers!

sad derrick wasn't around. haiz.

peer coaching with LEE JIAN LIN was FUN. hahaha. i think he's nice. like duh! after 2 freaking years then i know. hmmm. i think it's obvious. all of a sudden, i got so attached to my 4/6 buddies. suddenly, i became so manja. maybe i have been doing that for the past 2 years. i just didn't realise it :) but whatever, i love them all :) to pieces mwaahh!

i have tons to do. econs tutorials. the essay part that is. followed by maths tutorials on maclarin series. damn babushka. if i find that maclarin guy, i will so totally kill him. sheesh. be glad that he's dead. mannnn. then there's the malay essay on tattoo. hmmm. what else? oh yeah. chemistry tutorials also. wahh. and that's not including the GPP tomorrow. hopefully we can complete it. minus the whole messing around with each other part :) sorry guys :) but i still love you all :) :)

I dream in darkness, I sleep to die

Raise the silence, Erase my life

Our burning ashes, Blacken the day

A world of nothingness
Blow me away

do you bleed for the fantasy?

2007-04-24T19:47:00.000+08:00

word of the day: babushka

okay okay, so the day started out terrible because of my ever so consistent gastritis. heh. if i could have chosen a better day to get gastric, today was it.

what the

GP was surprisingly wonderful. erh yeahh. agree with me? no? ok fine. haha. i'm talking to myself now. this is so not syiok-ing any more. LOL. hmmph. turns out i actually preferred this whole verbal/oral comprehension because i realised that half of the time i'm actually way out of point.

so, shikin was reciting her lines for tomorrow's literature week's performance. well, it's related to billy bob shakespeare, hence, she was using all these bombastic old english words. me being me, i thought she was repeating the word "babushka" for like ever. don't ask me what that means. for a frequent SIMS gamer, duh. it sounded exactly like sim language. dortz. apparently, i am that smart.

chemistry lecture was a headache. i doubt i paid any attention. at all. haiz. i think it's because we're rushing for time and what not. maths lecture was better. in my opinion at least.

and wei di, all right all right, you can go start sittting with yi jie again. you've proven your point today :) haha. and i don't even remember telling you what you said i did to you on saturday. (huh? damn, even my sentence structure is confusing the toot out of me)

bio lecture was...dead. carbohydrates is dry. so dry that even the rain can't liven it up. i should have listened to hong liang today. yeah lah. save time when ms lim asked that question which i can't even make heads or tails out of. apparently, hong liang is smart. yeah yeah. credits to you. hmm. and ooh yeah.

just for the record, he passed his FIRST test. woohoo! just the mcq part. and if felicia is right, hong liang might be the ONLY So9-er who passed the bio test. go you :) yeah lah, we bio nerds must stand up for each other. hahaha.

hmmph. this is going to sound weird sia.

but before i saw you yesterday, believe it or not, i was actually thinking about you because you kinda got me worried about this whole, "i'm-gonna-be-a-loner-hear-me-roar" thingamabob. yeah lah. apparently that kinda freaked me out a little. and i am so surprised that i did saw you after like what, 2 months to be exact? hmmph. you look different. seriously. more emo-ish. kinda like a cheemat from far. hahaha. sorry. but still awesomely rocking! woots :) heh. and uncle! cheer up a bit more okay? SMILE. yeah la i know mah. it's because i'm not in your school that's why you're not cheer-y. lol. aper aper sajer.

okay, to a more serious matter

hell, i didn't see the other cheemat for two days already. haremph.

and a more serious one

NAPHA is next week. damn babushka. the 5 stations. okay okay, i think i'll survive that. but the following week after the next one will be 2.4km. argh. the dreaded one. i really really have to pass this. i mean. it's superbly more important and damn it, more challenging than the promos. i think lah.

ever wonder how it feels like? well don't.

what i've done

2007-04-21T22:11:00.000+08:00

honestly, today is the most fun-ner day i've had in months. i think i really do need a day to unwind. and it happens to be today. out of all days.

the malay day camp was actually fun. contrary to popular beliefs, my belief at least.

i made a NEW friend today. yeah baybee. her name's aryani from ramie's class, 07S15 :)
nice girl. i think she's cute man. haha.

the whacko game was stressful because it was different from what i played before. so i was put under pressure through out the game. the captain ball was better this time around because i had the BEST people in my group. azra, aryani, shikin, ika and zhaffri. woots :)

the three rugger girls were super strong. woots. the first team we went against were okay but the second team was harder because of the guys. and ouh yeah. i still find it weird whenever cikgu hajis call out suhaimi's name in malay class because it made me feel like my dad's in class. haha. so gundulicious

so i left early during the camp because i had to go do the gpp thing with my fellow group members whom i so dearly love right now.

instead of 4pm, we ended up meeting at 5 because i was late. wahh. first time i'm late for an appointment. and it's an hour some more. go me go! woots but it's also partly because of keyan lah. cuz she was late also :P

"eh nurul, go call keyan, she's waiting for you"

yeah sure. and i ended up waiting for her instead. wahaha. but during that long 15 minutes wait i was having fun stoning. after days of non-stoning, i think i really do deserve that stoning period. diaowz.

so the group project proposal is done :) and i'm beaming like a lost clown left behind by cirque du soleil. i love my group members. each and every one of them because i believe that they're rocking my world right about now. they, as in su yee, keyan and weidi made the entire 4 hours seem like a few minutes only. yeapp. and we manage to do some class bonding. and to think that the 4 of us are from the 4 different cliques in So9, so we're like the unofficial representatives lah. what only.

but honestly, it was fun. i think we spent the entire time laughing out butts off. haha. to think that i was scared the class wasn't taking this whole bonding thing seriously. toots.

so yeah, that's about today. about them. sad that sitt can't join us. would have been more fun.

i will so die tomorrow because i realised that i've got tons to do. haishh. and there's pe on monday. i don't think i'll be worrying that much because right about now, i think my mind's too numb to get frightened by running. hmmm. or maybe i'm just not feeling the pressure. it's too early.

any who, this goes out to you

if you're reading this, i just want to say thanks. thanks for all sia. because i think my previous post was subjective. too subjective in fact. i guess you're going through more worst things than i am and i can't possibly make you suffer with me when all you're trying to do is figure yourself out. i'm sorry that i've been mean. sorry that i was impatient. haiz. but i guess we're okay now? it's nice that you told me that you've finally topped up your card. but after today's intensive sms-ing, i think that i'd just killed your prepaid. lol. sorry for all. for holding grudges. damn lah. now i'm feeling guilty for thinking badly about you. for thinking that you've changed. haiz. maybe we need an outing. i seriously think we do. and hey friend, once you've stepped out of you "emo-walls", remember to tell me aight. heh. i think it's about time you really tell me what's going on. and just for the record, as always, i'll say this, take care :)

i try to fool myself to think i'll be all right

2007-04-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

toot

the week has been tiring. everything's draining the life out of me. from PE to trainings to homeworks to lectures. seriously, i feel like i'm a rubber band that's being stretched for way to long.

today sucks. i think pei qi is right, 20 04 07 is considered to be a bad day for the both of us.

i wanted to go watch the meteor shower, do the star gazing and spend the entire of tonight till 7.30am tomorrow morning in school in lieu with the astronomy club's fund raising and overnight movie marathon. but noooo.

apparently, some other things just happily creeped up last minute. take for example the PPP (pesta KOTAK putih, i still don't get it why they're calling it pesta PETI putih. PETI is CHEST isn't it? so the english translation should have been white CHEST festival. TOOT) auditions. i don't know if i should complain about it because at the end of the day, the auditions are still compulsory. then there's the malay day camp.

*sigh as loudly as possible*

i hate changes. that's obvious. i like things to stay the way they are. i love routines. so sorry. i prefer having my weekends back. saturday and sundays are sacred. (refer to previous posts) not only will the camp take half of my saturday, but the PW thing will also eat up the REST of the half day up to the evening around 9. toot.

i wanted to blog. i have loads of things to say. and yet i find it redundant to say it online because i realise that the content of my post are going to be very very very honest and brutal.

i broke down this week. wahh. first time that happened in like 2 years already. so i am still in shock. i didn't expect my own emotions to take control of me. i cursed in class for the first time in years. i know i shouldn't have. i cried today. i start hating people. i start disliking just about everything.

and right about now, i feel like shooting YOU. you should know who you are. wait. you know what, i don't think you're even reading this because you've been just WAY too busy with YOUR own life. seriously, i don't think it's fair. because why? when you're troubled, you expect me to be there and sympathise you and all and when i'm on the brink of insanity you're nowhere to be found. wahh. what a friend :) gorgeousness.

and if you still don't know who you are, then it shows how much of an ignorant you're becoming. congratulations, you can add that in your testimonial.

i need someone to talk to. toot everything. i need a listening ear. i'm tired of faking it all. of smiling for the sake of smiling. to be friendly when i can sense animosity.

and yeah, about chong. i'll try to be friendlier. i can't promise that though. but at least i'll make an attempt from next week onwards. i realise that maybe chong's just chong. can't change that. and for the sake of someone, okay, maybe the whole class, i'll overlook chong's flaws and just accept chong for who he/she is.

maybe chong's better than what i expected?

surprise me

we ain't here to hurt nobody

2007-04-16T18:55:00.000+08:00

pe was torturous today. damn right it was

honestly, it wasn't as bad as i thought. it beats running 2.4km anyday. yeapp.

met a girl. angeline. she's from 06AO1. super nice. woots. very friendly. full of advice. haha. wahh. i can't believe i made a friend that easily. a fellow woodlander just like me :)

malay was fun as always. i think adilla's cheeriness regarding malay lessons are finally rubbing on me. sheesh. haha.

i think it's because of the dry humour. yeapp. apparently, sohendra [however you spelt it] is one hell of a hilarious guy. his jokes are dry. lame even. and haris, aka the MI dude is super blur. at times larh. i still don't get it. neither do adilla. the fact that well, he's him. oodles. [that's an inside joke anyways]

i'm having second thoughts regarding my PI. i think i might want to redo it. man. this is the hard fact of doing on someone who is not-so-well-known in your class. not only that, i've finally realised that this groundbreaker of mine hasn't broken any grounds yet. literally. i'm muling over the dramatic shift that he had made in the entertainment scene. but is there? toots. no.

i can't believe i actually enjoyed today's pe lessons. that's right man. confirm, chop plus guarantee. i am weird.

anywho, okay okay adilla. the hot guy is hot. yeapp. he's attached. yeapp. and just like any other good natured person, all i can is that,

any attached guy is hands off

woots. there's still the other one. pete wentz look-a-like. i'm not supposed to get distracted. trust me, this is not a distraction. better yet. i think it's a motivation. haha. ____ is one hell of a gorgeous guy. lol.

False pretense

2007-04-14T20:22:00.000+08:00

this is going to be yet another rare random post. i'm bored anyways.

the homework's done. yeah bebeh

i was going to do the chemistry tutorials, but turns out, i doubt the lecturer has even finished lecturing us yet. dortz.

so, tomorrow, i'll be spending the entire day lazying around. hmm. i love weekends. die die do homework on saturday and enjoy the rest of sunday off. no, scratch that. not really slacking sundays off. sundays are strictly for pre-PE syndrome. where i'll worry myself to death thinking about how to survive monday's pe. sheesh man. i think i'm weird.

changed the song of the blog like three times just today. ho hum. can't decide what suits the skin so i'll leave it to this song instead. i love it to bits. i love the show. too bad it's ended. oh well.

i know this is weird, but whatever, i think adilla's going to slap me on monday for this.
i still think he's cute! haha. he looks a hell lot like PETE WENTZ. now, how can i not fall for that? ;)

smile like you mean it

2007-04-14T10:40:00.000+08:00

like finally

i've changed my skin after using it for how many donkey years

the week was, terrible? fun?

terrible + fun + stressful = unapologetic

don't ask me why i came up with that equation

PE was ok. for this week at least. i think i'm getting used to being tortured for over ten years. this whole idea of running for the sake of running and getting breathless is never going to make sense to me, but heck, if i can't fix it, i'm going to have to bear with it

*grits teeth*

floorball training was disorganised. i apologise for that. i think yang was on the verge of screaming at me on thursday. can't help it. i was tired. stressed out and suddenly, everything got out of hand. BUT, thankfully, some heroes turned up. heh. so yeah, after 2 and 6 years of knowing you two people respectively, i want to thank you for all that you've done on thursday.

so, yande and berhan, thanks a million :) ouh yeah, to AH HOW too :)

i passed my chemistry test. thankfully. alhamdulilah :)

though it was just a barely passing mark, i'm glad. i can't expect too much because i only studied last minute after PE with keyan, ying min, deb and chien hui.

i think i flunked my maths test. no wait. scratch that. i'm sure that i flunked my maths test. i hate derivatives since that first time that i learnt it, sorry mdm sarojini :/

so, derrick's the new class chair and adilla's the new assistant class chair. what can i say? though it was fun having ozy around, [albeit he's still around] i think he looks too tired to be holding that position any longer. i'm being sensible. that guy needs some sleep, man.

orange is becoming too overrated. everything's orange nowadays and hong liang is looking more and more like garfield the cat. LOL. that guy seems bored in almost every bio lesson. scratch that, he looks bored in every lesson i think. kuo un is one very peculiar fello. honest. he's nice but i think his jokes are pretty lame at times. LOL. heh.

i think all the seven gentlemen rocks :)

i have to finish my homework by today. asap. gp is becoming too demanding. i've realised that getting a distinction for the O's is more like a luck, the same luck as winning a lucky draw. for me at least. so passing GP this time around will require ZERO luck but TONS of hard work.

the rest? oh well. let's just say i'm putting in more effort that what i've put in before.

friday the 13th didn't jinx me. it turned out to be awesome. deb and chien hui should know why :) haha. all of a sudden, i think friday the 13th rocks. yeah yeah. very shallow but still. it kinda made me smile :)

you have chestnut. i have none. but hey, that didn't spoil my day. it kinda made me smile like an idiotic clown on the way home :) thanks girls! :) whee

ring around the roses

2007-04-09T20:48:00.000+08:00

i wanna see how much i can blog about today.

this is an unofficial post.

i'm just blogging for the sake of blogging.

i've tons of pictures that are yet to be uploaded.

PE sucks. period.

the track is intimidating. running is becoming more competitive and less enjoyable.

damn, who am i trying to kid here?

running was NEVER enjoyable. full stop.

on top of PE, there's the extra 4 rounds to cover. for TAF.

wahh. i'm like the official TAF club lifelong member sak. haha.

currently i'm an official floorball-er. hmmph.

excited? not really. nervous? you got it babes.

i'm mixing in more with the class now. thankfully. i'm happy with the pw group arrangement. it is seriously super random. so yeahh. more socialising. come on larh, i'm going to be spending the next one and a half years with these 26 other uber friendly and ultra hype and maybe happening people. so, gotta make it last.

if you can't fix it, live with it

basically, right about now, at this very moment, what i want to say is that,

I LOVE o7S09

i think i'm going to be happy and satisfied with being in peejay because of these 26 people.

and just for the record, i am superbly elated that those people whom i used to dislike or am still disliking are not here. thank goodness for that.

from backstabbers to betrayers, to in-your-face-liars,
i just want to say,

thanks for the memories :)

Don't you know who i think i am?

2007-04-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be blogging right now.
but whatever.

i should be doing my chemistry tutorials right now. but am I?

no

the worksheet's too difficult if i say so myself.

REDOX

i stopped after question 4 and i still have about 4 more to go. none of it made any sense. to me at least. i couldn't figure out what the question is asking.

in other words, my brain just switched off.

i need chemistry help. jian lin, is that tutoring offer still available? i'm gonna be needing your help soon.

school was a bore. a drag perhaps. PE was horrendous. nearly cried. not because i was scared or terrified. no.

after years and years of never participating in 4 x 400m, the leg muscle just tighten up.

could have fainted. almost lost my sanity back there. my legs too.

the class is getting too clique-y. am i the only one who observes this? perhaps not. besides that, the people are uber friendly. yeapp. all are food crazy. thank goodness, i don't feel alone. kinda united in a clique-y way.

YET. as long as we/they know when to step out of our/their comfort zones and bond as a class when we/they really need to, then there shouldn't be a problem.

the pile of unironed clothes are increasing. it's looking more and more like mount everest now.

i wanted to conquer it. but nah. just too lazy. will do it on good friday.

procrastinating

the pro is here :)

where is your boy tonight?

2007-04-01T18:45:00.000+08:00

i googled your name.

imagine the things i found out about you.

the REAL you.

what an irony. I guess it's true. people like you can't be trusted.

the best part is, NOW i know. oh wow.

shame on you if you fool me once
shame on me if you fool me twice

to an extent of it being ridiculous. to the extent of me believing you in the first place.
oh wow.

i had a feeling that you're who i thought you were.

but me being me and you being you, i decided to start anew. why?

because it's bad to stereotype and typicalised people of your species

but hey, once again, i am right am i not?

next time i see you or whatever, trust me. it won't be the same :)

i'll still talk to you because saudara islam must still jalinkan hubungan sesama umat.

don't expect me to tell you anything anymore.

one dishonesty deserves another. eh no?

i'm not trying to be evil. yet, i do think this is just the beginning. we'll see just how many more lies you can pile up in your resume. seriously.

one night and one more time
thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
he tastes like you
only sweeter

i cheated myself like i knew i would

2007-03-31T15:38:00.000+08:00

i'm back baybee.

i realised that by not blogging for the past two weeks or so kinda made the days passed by even more efficiently and less longer. but really, who am i trying to kid?

undoubtedly, a lot of things had happened in the course of 14 days. let's see. my nephew was warded THRICE. he's only 10 months old and had been hospitilised more than i had in 17 years of my life.

but still, having him around kinda made things better. it made me realise that life's too short to fast forward. what'll happen if i fast forwarded too much and missed out on the greatest things in life? watching him walk, talk and grow. and watching my other cousins get married. oh well.

okay, bear with me people, this post is going to be absurdly long and i mean it.

i got into o7so9. weird number combination if you ask me. i'm taking the same subject combination that i took in MI. surprisingly i'm having 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th thoughts about it. sheesh kebabish.

the people in that class kinda reminds me of 4/6. the quiet studious type. but that was just the first impression. i didn't know that most of the girls were boy crazy. welcome to the club people. there's only like what, 5 malays? and all girls. besides that, there's 7 guys. ocean's seven. lol.

the guys are friendly. the girls are super siaow. the tutors are nice. some at least. others are just plain demanding. whew. i found my madrasah friend. what are the odds of that? after like what, almost a decade of not seeing her i actually met her again and the best part is, she's in my class all these time.
bagus sey syu. lembab lah sangat..

anyway, my malay class is pretty wild. there's some MI people scattered around. niceness. PE sucks. i hate pe. i've always hated pe. i hate running. i hate physical activities. seriously, if you say that weight is just a number, why do you make us run to lose some of it?

ouh yeah, i turned 17. woots. [claps like mad]. it was on a monday. last monday. the school declared it as a half day in lieu with my birthday [yeah sure..]. actually it's because the previous batch broke the school's expectations. see, aiming low is pretty good ;)

so there was no pe on my birthday. you had no idea how elated i was, let's just say if it wasn't for the crowds, you can almost hear me scream my heart out in the hall. haha. in the end, the birthday turned out to be boring. haha.

but, these are the things that i got from the superbly special people in my uber funkafied but stressful life :)

like finally! it's about time i own this cd. haha. thanks syerry!! muacks*

this is from her and my mama :) whee

this is from the twins. farhana aziema and farzana azureen. the girls that i met during the turkey trip. wahh. it's just nice of them both :) love you both loads!

that's from ramie. aka the girl bestie. thanks yeahh.

so. hmmph. i realised that sometimes i don't have anything to say to the bestie but so many things to say to ramie. and awkwardly i'm spending more and more time with mas. the best part is, i really enjoyed it! LOL.

ouh yeah people, next time if you do see her, just remember okay, that she HAS a name. it's masturah. she don't go by the name of "imran's ahem". she's a person with a name. sheesh.

i have less than 6 weeks to train for the blasted napha. it's now or never. it's do or die. haish.

sarah, thanks for listening ok? you rock. even if i never really talked to you face to face. the fact that you're not judgemental has done me wonders. i know it's awkward in the first place to know about it but thanks for staying calm :) i felt better after telling you. and thanks for the advice. as much as i don't wanna know about it, i still make it a point to not hold on to him. thanks to you too my impression of him took a drastic 180 turn. for good that is. it's more than i can already say. once again, thanks for all :)

how cruel is the golden rule?

i tried to call but my pride won't let me dial

2007-03-15T18:17:00.000+08:00

i'm not supposed to blog today because i have absolutely nothing to write about. but since i'm online. why not? it's better than NOT to update anyway, like some people i know somewhere under the same blue sky.

currently listening to the red jumpsuit apparatus. thanks mai.

lecture was okay. i kinda, almost, nearly, sorta, about to, on the verge of, understanding chemistry. heh.

met up with maiyayah after school. super early that babes. yada yada. ate at mcD. loads of updates going on. haha. then she walked me home. played at the playground. scratch that, MAI played at the play ground. haha.

did spring cleaning. okay lah, other people did this like last year and i only managed to do it today. nonetheless, i DID it. yes. i've cleared out my bookshelf. threw out MOST of my notes, workbooks, textbooks. seriously. i have no intention of keeping them anymore. kept my chem and bio texts, notes and what not. hmm. it looks cleaner now.

ouh yeah. papa bought me a new pc. yeah baybee! it's DELL! flat screen. heh.

i think it's either the advance birthday present or the graduation gift. it could even be a reward for completing O's or maybe he's just plain bored and found no other better way of spending his hard earned cash. LOL. either way, i'm beaming. haha.

the best part is, the cpu smoked. HAHA. i mean that's super damn hilarious. mama switched it on and i think she mixed up the voltages and all of a sudden, smoke came out from the cpu. haha. but thank goodness it's working, i haven't installed anything yet, so yeah, will. soon.

since S league season is on, check this out :)
Home United

funkafied :)

today, i'll leave it as it is. better left unsaid. a'ah jer kan lah mai. maybe that's what you think? i'm thankful my bestie didn't think the same way. okay lah. the both of them at least. the guy and the girl. the guy's too oblivious sometimes and he's been very busy with his gf and what not. the girl? she's always there. hmm. don't know lah. maybe that's how you both think? so i shan't say anything else. my lips are sealed :)

the day when everything else stops

2007-03-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

okay. what a title. but literally for me, that REALLY happened. the first thing i did when i woke up? reached for my phone which is hidden somewhere under the pillows and sheet. read a msg and saw "9.39" and being who i am, i completely ignored the pm/am. so, like some gundu, i rushed for the toilet while frantically grabbing my clothes trying hard not to be late.

wah. what a surprised i had when the grandfather clock showed 7.35. once again, why am i not surprised?

around 9.50-ish, i didn't realise that there was a super huge bee. no really. it was HUGE and i'm not exaggerating. it was buzzing near my ear and i was so oblivious, busy playing neopets. damn lucky i wasn't stung. so it took me about 5 minutes to see that insect. and i happily screamed like a mad woman running around the house. LOL

SO. got down. 10.05. reached mrt station. 10.05. gundu. went up to the platform. the clock showed, 10.30. haha. seriously. i am that smart.

lecture was boring. though it was just for an hour. i was already restless maybe because i kept hearing people sniffing and coughing and i'm sure one way or another the virus is going to spread like wild fire.

so that was today. am i bummed? hell no. tired? yes. will be staying up to do chemistry. like so enthU!! i really have to do well for my A's. no more screwing up half way. haish. and i'll be watching CSI also. haha. hmm.

should i go against what you say? hmm. but i think you're right there buddy. i really do. and i guess i'm not the only who agreed on your statement. heh. you're a nice person. i think lah. if it wasn't for my friend, who just so happily happens to think that you're physically attractive, i would have NEVER looked at you in the first place. LOL :) but, though you're not that OUTSTANDING, i think you're OK :) coulda know you better. am glad i just didnt. LOL

like a nut, i'm screwed

2007-03-13T18:42:00.000+08:00

alamak. i so totally screwed up. man.
i hate windows live messenger. seriously. i have no idea what i did or how i did it. it just happily happened.

tu lah. gatal sangat nak download kan. tengok arh. padan dengan muker aku.

haish. i accidentally deleted like most of you. 75% of my contacts are gone. what the hell. they're under the "non-instant messaging contacts". whatever that means. and the best part is, i can't re-add them. an example, raheel. so yes.

pandai sangat nak experiment. so now. if you are online and you are hoping to chat with me, please take the initiative to make the first move. because i can assure you that i can never see you people online. period.

so smart. the most important people have all been deleted. stupid lah. i'm wondering why the sister wanna stick to windows live messenger. haish. if only the computer in my room is fixed, i'll be super duper glad. so glad that i'll re-add those who are deleted right now. but then, that'll take me approximately another month or so.

whoever who do know how i ended up like this and if you also have the solution to this, please, please approach me online and tell me where the hell i went wrong. or if you're not on my list, add ler.

there are some very precious people on my list right now who have been deleted by me, that's right, the IT gundu. dortz. honestly, why am i not surprised by my current state? oh. that's right. i've always been like this. sheesh. what more do i expect?

just when i've decided to finally talk to you again, to tell you what's really bothering me, i blew that chance. again. but heh. if it's not meant to be, it won't right? you taught me that. LOL. so yeah. thanks.

ooh. gonna get my hair cut soon. again. shorter this time. like how? the length? probably like in early sec 4. before i can even tie it up. april. will try to get it cropped in april. no reason. april.

I got brass knuckles

2007-03-12T13:12:00.000+08:00

oOh. i'm blogging. haha. watched pop inc. fall out boy!! watched it simultaneously with imran who was watching it in his home. yeah. a lot of comments lah that guy. or should i say gay?

"Pete wentz is SO HOT!! I sound so gay" haha. you know yourself.

yelah kau jer yang jelak tengok pete. aku tak. LOL

will be going out later. yes. school's out for the time being. but will be back in school this wednesday. aiyer. hmm. anything lah. oh yes. wanted to upload the pictures and so. here it is! voila~!

yeah. that's the spaghetti aglio olio that i made last week. I know it looks messy. but whatever man. it tasted damn good if i say so myself :)

right now, there's only one guy in my life so far. yes. only one. wait. scratch that. there's THREE. T-H-R-E-E. that spells three. one's pete. pete wentz. like dUH!! haha. everyone knows that. even the ma. second there's LIONEL LEWIS [whee!]. yes. haha. that one. of course lah. why? cuz he's hot and talented. LOL.

the third and MOST important guy/boy in my life besides the above two and my dad is none other than, *drum roll*...Mohd Nadhir Hilmi Nidzamuddin

alah chayang chayang. LOL. i love this boy. yes. he's the BOMB. he is cute. he can dance. he can baby talk professionally and he drives me crazy. in love that is. really. we all look alike. we are all cheena looking so i'm not surprised. haha. but i love this baby to bits! *muacks!*

Nadhir is only 9 months old. But he's already photogenic enough as to pose for pictures. he gets excited over seeing the red light on the camera. haha. LMAO. and so yes, i'll leave his picture here.

my love. my only one. Nadhir Hilmi :) forever and ever babes

we never stood a chance

2007-03-11T16:06:00.000+08:00

orientation rocks. seriously. okay lah. i'll admit. it was better than MI anyway. heh. but in MI, there was more eye candies. LOL. so superficial.

first day was a bore and it was just too tiring. imagine doing the mass dance in school U. man. i think that was all for first day. ouh yeah. there were loads of Rsians. haha. felt like i'm back in school sey.

second day was better. the games. man. that rocks. but unfortunately yang ponned during the game time. haha. and i was bloody scared that i can't crawl under the bench for fear of getting stuck! haha! and i met this super duper friendly girl. cassandra!! cassy! cas-syu~

knew a guy from my og by the name of jonathan. kinda nice lah. haha. no offence but he's short. how short? let's say i can practically see eye to eye with this guy. haha. so yeah. anywho. he rocks too. though he seems pretty quiet. ler. everyone's quiet. haha. fast forward to end of day. war game!! EVANS~!! damn lah. was drenched like crazy. haha. didnt go for the cca selection. hmm. no particular reason actually. oh wait. there is. made a pact with shen hong about cca trials. so yes.

3rd day was tiring. super. man. leadership training was scary. oh yeah! fadzly is nice. he's from MI. o7s6 i think. haha. yada yada. had those activities. sorry tribe 10. you people have to carry my weight during the free fall. aww. but it's very sweet of you all. LOVE YA!! :) to the helpers from tribe 9, you all ROCK too!!

you see big guy, i told you. you carry me and i will assure you that i'll do my very best to not let you fall. kept my word didn't i? :) tribe 10 made it possible to carry him. why? cuz we all trusted him and he trusted us. it's hard for me to trust but imagine putting the trust on 15 strangers whom i just met in 3 days. wow. i surprised myself.

i took the risk and i'm proud of myself. tribe 10, thanks for making me trust myself and trust you :) qiao er, you're the best buddy!! :)

Last day was the MOST tiring. went back home almost ten at night. aiyer. if it wasn't for ramie's parents who sent me back, i think i'll be back even later. the morning leadership training showed me that i can fly. really. so yes. i love you all again!! *muacks!* then had the prep for campfire. ate the canteen food. lol. it was good lah. but still. hmm. danced like some mad woman. really. i was super high as if i was on some drugs. and surprisingly, the stars shone brightly last night. it was beautiful really. fun dance was..FUN!! duh!

so yes. that's pjc orientation. i love it. i really do. i love my tribe. i love my new found friends. i love the school. i love the school food. okay. maybe not that much. but still. i love everyone. the best part is, i love ME! :)

Strike us like matches, cause everyone deserves the flames

metalingus

2007-03-06T10:33:00.000+08:00

Pioneer JC science stream. okay. that's where i'll be spending my next two *hopefully* years in. am i excited? like duh! i dreamt that i got into ITE instead. haha.

went back riverside yesterday with liya. it was weird? haha. actually. the happenings in band went on oh so drastically with so many major changes that i can't even keep track of. i have no idea why i'm disappointed with the band. i mean they played okay. it sounded better than what i played lah. haha.

the discipline sucks. like nut. it's annoying to see that they slacked big time when syf is just around the corner.

izza, mai and sab! CONGRATS babes! haha. all future tpians. not the poly. but the jc. haha. you people rock! i guess i'll be seeing a lot of my former 4/6 cheena friends in pjc as well. there's zhong yang. haha. and yeah. my favourite girl. ramie chandran. haha. and my former MI babe. shu yan! yeah!

don't know what hit me, but i cooked today. lol. made spaghetti aglio olio. it was nice man. first attempt. of course lah it's also a super duper freaking easy recipe that even a gundu can make. lol. but really who would criticise their own cooking right? will upload the pics tomorrow or when i'm free.

watched amazing race last night. i love that show. i just hated the asian version and the family edition. i have no idea why. ouh yeah. i'm rooting for oswald and danny. again. haha. besides that, i think eric and danielle are doing great.

aiyer. have to get ready for the bbq later. hmm. wonder how we're gonna get there in the first place lol :)

Just a classic case, a scenario, tale as old as time
Girl, you got what you deserved

my heart is the worst kind of weapon

2007-03-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

i don't know how it happened. it just did. i had a random blonde moment yesterday. it was pretty messed up. haha. ok atiqah. i don't really need you to tell the whole world. thanks if you hadn't. LOL

spent saturday afternoon with the mama and the sister. haha. had loads of fun. first being the frantic search for the sis at both the library and causeway point. then the almost, nearly, about to, going to be lost in bukit panjang. it was fun lah. everything about it was great. then went to bukit panjang plaza. hmm.

spent like nearly 300 bucks. thank goodness. none of it was from my own wallet. haha. so yes. i got like tons of stuffs. apparently. when the sis is around, whatever you had wished for will definitely come true.

i'm over it all man. haha. when you decide to no longer involve a particular person in your life, it's kinda amazing how great your life can turn out to be :) yeah baybee

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends

I found a cure to getting older

2007-03-02T17:58:00.000+08:00

came back from jalan-jalaning with the girls.

north, south, east. where's the west witch?
lol

hannibal rising is a bloody movie. literally. it is bloody. haha. half the time i was sick to my stomach. haha. but the story line rocks. yep. it's sick lah but at least it's not as pathetic as epic movie. or any movies with the title "____ movie ". I don't know why. but as sadistic as hannibal rising goes, i liked it. okay. now i'm kinda freaked out about the whole cheek stuff. but what the hell ah. LOL.

i finally get to see my gorgeous MI babes. haha. okay. so maybe just the two of them. mai and sab. but whatever lah. they made my day. yay! so yeah. it's confirm. i'm going for the bbq. that's if it's still on that is. haha.

ouh yeah. whoever messaged from approximately 5pm yesterday to the whole of today. i'm sorry that i didn't reply. it's not that i didn't want to. it's more like my prepaid's dead. so please be considerate people. there's still the home phone you know.

i didn't realised that the band had deteriorated that badly. i'm thinking of going back. maybe to scream at them. haha. no lah. i don't know. i didn't realised how badly the discipline was until now. so yeah. juliana, thanks for that email. yep. it was an eye opener. i'll be back i'm sure. i'm not sure when but i'll definitely come back.

clarinet section, you guys are going to die if i come back and find out that you people lack in both discipline and moral. imran's in charge of you people from 2005 to 2006. he's the SL. yeah. and now if i'm not wrong it's joanne. so yes. I'll see what i can do. and trust me lah. this time around, i'm not going to go easy on you people. if you dare to go against what i say, you're really gonna get it people. it's the SYF for goodness sake. not some random school/outside performance.

aiya. i screwed up my band years. i wasn't the best clarinetist. but heck arh. at least i did give my best shot sey. ouh. ler.

S league's starting this sunday. do i really wanna go bishan stadium and die-die support home u? or should i just stay at home and watch the live telecast? apparently, close up of lionel lewis on the tellie sounds more tempting than a blur ant-like figurine of him in the field. LOL

the music or the misery

2007-03-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

okay. i'm online right now when i know that i shouldn't be. i'm only going to blog.

csi is officially getting over the top with their goriness. it's almost like watching saw or the silent hill. man. i used to be able to eat while watching that show. now. it's like i find it disgusting and unappealing to actually touch my food during or after the show. damn lah. food now comes before. LOL.

mr neo left band. LIKE WHAT? i'm very very speechless right now. aiya. i'm gonna miss neoneo like crazy. haish. love that guy :(

anywho. back on the good news. i've heard something really nice. kinda wonderful too. LOL. it sorta made my day.

yah. thanks yande! i miss you people like crazy. okay. so. it seems like 4/6 [yes, the graveyard class of riverside. i'm proud of us ok] might be, hopefully will be, should be, sounded like are going to be having a class bbq come next week. and for the first time this year. i am super duper excited about it. seriously. i miss those people. god. i love you all.

my bandy piggies. LOL. i miss you all too. i love you all to bits! zhong yang, zhan hong, twenly, bud, ain, jian lin, yan de. yes. i miss all of you :) haha. will be looking forward to this bbq. haha.

absence makes the heart grow fonder. in this case it does..

ouh yeah. for some social harmony. go here http://www.happeepill.com/cartoons/enjetsemut/enjet.htm

haha. thanks sarah for that link! LOL. okay. i wanna go eat. my bee hoon's waiting for me. hopefully it doesn't kembang. haha.

nobody puts baby in the corner

2007-02-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

I've nothing to say. or blog as a matter of fact.
no concert. no fall out boy. no pete. ahh.

they say a picture is worth a thousand words eh?
watch this space

look what i've got while googling. LOL. that's pete before FOB. before there was geek hot. there was pete hot. haha.

okay. now that's weird. but hey! the alter egos are back baby!

if that's not hot. i don't know what is.

lacrymosa

2007-02-25T11:24:00.000+08:00

i'm not going to the concert. period. yeah. well. it was coming anyways. mama saw the seating plan for the concert. uh hoh! yeah. free standing. so that's like a confirm no-no already. i'm ok with that. oh well. so it's just another concert. another band. another 75 bucks safe in my wallet.

who sits during a rock concert? lol

anywho. the week's been fun. maybe? or was it just plain normal. yeah. maybe that. let's see. everything's almost the same. went out with atiqah on friday. she had to go get things for her friend. okay. maybe my friend too. ya lah. jolyn ng.

have a safe trip jo! and yeah. don't forget to remember me.

hmm. went to plaza singapura. wanted to meet amy but couldn't find her there. oh well. there's still other days to do that eh? haha. i got another week or so. hmm. and yes. i do have a plan coming up to kacau you soon. lol.

isn't it like a crime to be wearing the same brand all over you? from head to toe? okay, maybe not. that's almost like a self-promotion of a well-known brand. yeah. you'll never know what you'll see. it's an ulu area. it's my hometown. the place i grew up and grew to love. lol. seriously.

there was a guy in front of me. standing there the whole time with his back facing me. and i just can't help but notice that he was wearing the name of a brand all over him. from his cap to his wind breaker. to his track pants, socks, shoes and even watch. whoah. either that guy is a real fan of that particular brand or he's just ran out of ideas of what to wear with what.

haiya. had my chance. blew it. no more pete wentz. gah. LOL. there' still youtube.

do you realise that finally, i am free?
no more tie-me-downs.
one day i'm gonna forget your name.
you're just so fickle minded. it's tiring to listen to your stories.
make up your mind lah. it's not that hard what. unless of course,
you really are that pathetic. prove me wrong this time my dear.
i dare you.

burnt food, baby photos and horror shmorror

2007-02-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

chinese new year was a blast. i really enjoyed it. so. i am going to take back all that i said about
it not being interesting and exciting. damn. it was.

the food was great. i'm a food addict. what more can i say? there were chocolate cheese cupcake. thanks kak ira! and loads of brownies. heh. life couldn't get any better right now. or sweeter as a matter of fact. my fishballs turned black after i made farhan and epul cooked it for me. yeah boys. you happy now? sheesh. lol

farhan is super tall and yes talented. damn larh. it seems as though the musicality gene of my family might have skipped me and went on to the other cousins. haha. oh yeah. abang an came back and will be going off soon to norway on the 23rd.

tak tau malu sey orang tu, dah besar panjang pun mintak birthday present..LOL

the nephews and nieces really had their fun. run around the house as though it's a horse track. literally. haha. the unsuspecting cousins appeared. both. in black. the dudes in black. haha. merepeknyer korang.

had fun catching up with dharham about our current lives. him being in acs and home united. and me being a former millennian/riversidian. thankfully i only meet you once a year. okay. maybe this time twice. lol yah. i wish you all the best for your O's this year. stop flirting and gatal-ing, and i can assure that you'll do great. haha.

beware though, if i run short of cash, i'm gonna blackmail you with that pic. haha. oh boy!

i hate horror movies. man. yes cousins. thank you for trashing my bed and making me have nightmares thinking about the kuntilanak. i couldn't have done it without you :P

will be wasting my next three weeks reading. baking maybe? ouh yeah. finally i got enough cash for FOB's concert. but do i really wanna spend all that? erh. the stingy side is taking over. haha. influence me people. to go or not to go. that is the question.

you're just so pretty in your pain

2007-02-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging at night. this is SO rare. i should be asleep.
now.

i can't get over evanescence. hmm. i actually did that.
but i guess sometimes, you just can't get over a band, no matter how sell-out they can be. it's all in the songs man. the moods. the similarities in mood swings.

hmm. this is my first post as a former millennian. haiya.
so sad. but so true. oh well. maybe the whole girl-guy thing got to my nerves already. i can't help it. i can get uncomfortable with that. come on lah. be realistic. i applied for PAE because i wanted to study. because i wanted to kill time and because my ma said so. and fortunately for me, finding eye candies has never been an option. much less a priority. but, look what i've done.

i am not excited about tomorrow. it's chinese new year. i know.
the family gathering again. i am thankful for that. for having such
a close-knit family. for having great relatives. but, there's no excitement in that. or is there?

i've been really moody lately. really low.
hmmm. never figured out why. could be pms for all i know.
i need to get my mind off him. asap. i need to get back on track. need to be me again and not
some crazy in love teen who knows that she'll never get what she wants. i shan't waste my time wondering whether he's gonna come online or not. oh well.
all good things come to an end

i found out the HE withdrew too. hmm. coincidence. oh well. *shrugs* its for his best too.
i have my own reasons and he has his. so yeah. what are the odds of that. part of the reason of my withdrawal could be due to him. but hey. majority.
it's the parents decision.

blame me for being obedient. hate me for lacking a backbone. i've lived a sheltered life for almost 17 years and i'm really thankful for that. i'm glad i listened to my parents. most of the times. i'm thankful that their decisions have no negative effect on me. so far lah. so what if my ma thinks i can never own a bike. so what if my pa thinks i can only start dating when i'm 26. a daughter is still a daughter. until i can show to them that i can survive on my own, financially and emotionally, i will forever be their little girl. forever listening and obliging. so what.

at times, i do feel like talking to you. at others. nah.

for the killers of rock and roll

2007-02-15T18:56:00.000+08:00

i'm currently listening to popstars by rooney.
not WAYNE, mind you. it's a band. okay. it has been
active for some time and i'm slow enough to
notice it now. and i just realised that they had
released a single called "i'm shakin" and
surprisingly, i've heard that one before.

so slow ah nurul...

LOL

okay, i've made up my mind about it and no,
nothing can make me rethink my decision.
sorry girls. oh well.
it's not that i didn't fit in.
mind you. i did.
awesomely well.
but hey, some things just
have to happen right.

i'm gonna miss my gorgeous MI babes. awww.
sabby. izza. mars. mai. kiki. di. yos. grace. syasya.
will be uploading the pics soon.
as soon as mars upload it from her cam.
aiya. gonna miss one o clock guy too :P

damn. i hate making friends and having to move on
shortly after. i shouldn't have gone for PAE. i should have
stayed at home. BUT. then, i wouldn't be meeting these
awesomely radical people. haiya. kinda remind me of the
turkey trip. LOL. i guess i'm this unlucky. oh well.

going to really enjoy myself tomorrow.
will take my mind off other irrelevant things
that are bound to dampen my mood. come on lah.
it's chinese new year. where's the spirit people?

i will link up all those other people who
knew that my blog existed. thanks imran, free
publicity. LOL.

I wanna go FOB's concert. o3o3o7. should i?
okay, i'm ten bucks richer today. but if i were
to get ready by that date, damn, i will need to really
track down all those who owe me sey. ASAP.
ooh. it's sad. cuz there's only ONE person who currently
owe me. good for me larh. no need to run around.
LOL. but it's kinda sad for that person cuz man, 60 bucks!

pete looks like dharham. why?? man.
AM! you are already that cheena looking,
but now you look like pete. aiya. haha. oh well.
happy total defence day people :)

what goes around always comes back around

2007-02-14T18:24:00.000+08:00

epic movie is disgusting. totally.
i don't recommend it to anyone. unless of course.
you have a very sadistic kind of humour, then
please be my guest.

blogger went bonkers recently. had to switch
to mozilla now. oh well.
the cool kids are using it
lol.

i can't believe some people. seriously
best friends for 2 whole years and suddenly?
poof! like nothing ever happened.
you dye your hair, your problem
you smoke, your problem also
but you laugh at me?
no, now that's MY problem.

so what if i got a bloody A2 in malay for the O's?
such a big deal to you. and you can still laugh at me.
come on lah. have the guts to actually do that IN my
face and not behind my back and in front of my
brother ok?

and i promised myself i'm going to outdo you
somehow. someday. and i did.
and now you're finding fault. like what the hell?
i'm NOT gonna laugh at you this time around.
i'm NOT even gonna stoop as low as you.

I'm happy with my results cuz damnit,
i did it on my OWN. no tuition. no kakak/abg angkats.
what goes around always comes back around
think about it.

and it's even funnier that i'm not treating you
the same way that you treated me.
please lah. i have a life and thankfully,
you're no longer part of it :)

i'm no longer waiting. i'm wishing you all the best.
in your work. your studies. your life. whatever part of it.
i'm okay that you opened up to me that easily. but it's sad
that you're running around trying to salvage something
that both of us know can never be saved. i hope she treats
you better now and i hope you can live the life that you want.
it's best that i don't belong and it's best that you don't know
about it. happy valentine's day. from a stranger to a stranger.
as always

Not ready to make nice

2007-02-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

grammy rocks.

*hail natalie. hail natalie*

LOL

dixie chicks deserved their awards.

i love their performance.

i thought it sounded and looked great.

Mary J's performance was soo good.

she deserves her 3 awards also.

i never knew you could do

"be without you" in that rendition.

i submitted the form. ok. i just hope i

got where i wanna go. wherever that is.

i want that chocolate cheese cupcake.

haiyer. should have gone to kak ira's house.

too lazy. anywho.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAIZURA!

YOU CRAZY GIRL, GO GRAB
YOUR MI HOTTIE! LOL

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’

It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they’d write me a letter

Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing

Or my life will be over

it takes a real woman to go up to the whole

world and really just say what she want to say.

how many people are really that opinionated?

and i am referring to that woman above.

natalie maines.

anywho. MI gatal girls alert.

there's been a change of plans for valentine's day.

LOL. will keep you people updated :)

friends for life

2007-02-11T17:01:00.000+08:00

i'm glad with my skin.
had to re-edit some stuff but it turned out.
great? in my opinion at least.

i'm yet to fill in the application form.
i'm yet to even make up my mind.
this is what happens when your ma and pa
can't make up their minds. tsk tsk.

i wanna go innova. it's near.
and i'm a lazy bum. why would i wanna wake up
early just to go to school? and i need my
afternoon naps. damn.

the pa wants jurong. the ma wants yishun.
yishun? exactly. oh well. direct bus alert.
the mak ngah wants catholic. uh hoh.

anywho. i'm the one who's gonna be dead.
i'm the one who's gonna be pushed to the limit.
thankfully. got my best indian buddy.
i am soo gonna stick with her. wherever it is.

~~i shouldn't have answered his question.~~
maybe i should. i did. damn. a question leads
to an answer and an answer led to another
topic. shouldn't have. should have left it there and that.
too bad i didn't. was too smart. curiosity kills the cat.
had to drag the whole night. had to listen. just had to.
look what you've done. thanks again. gah.
i'm disappointed. strike you

you reap what you sow

2007-02-10T18:09:00.000+08:00

okay. my skin sucks. was about to change it.
heh. lazy. and i don't get it. html wasn't this difficult before.
oh well.

anywho. yes. i made it. and for those who were there yesterday.
[most of the sec 4 and 5 batches i hope] witnessed it.
yes. i cried. like a waterfall. i almost thought the flood would hit rs.
lol.

mr cheong. thanks. you scared the life out of me.
[nurul, i think you did all right]
for those who know mr cheong, all right literally means,
"there's no A in there. i can assure you of that" lol.
and i was seated there. almost fell off the chair [thanks ain!]
cuz i was scared. all right? man. i thought i got 25. or 26.
but thankfully. i didn't! omg.

haha. i'm sounding so much like a ditzy blonde.
yesh. i got 16. yesh. my wishes came true.
yesh. i got a distinction for both my languages. lol.
if it wasn't for the atmosphere, i could have really just fainted.

anywho. i think i blabbed too much already. will be changing the skin.
asap. whenever that is. god. blogging never felt so good in 3 years. lol.

yeah. thanks. for everything. for the beliefs. for the miracles.
for the heart. the soul. the love of being your students.
you people rock. thanks again. muacks!